So, when I was really young, I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals. We lived in the country, but my parents weren’t big on animals, so let’s just say that they weren’t all that supportive of my plans to be a vet.
My dad said one day, “So much schooling, why not be a people doctor?” I looked at him and at the ripe old age of nine, I said, “But I don’t like people.”
Not much has changed since then. If you are a member of my elite circle, count yourself lucky. But be advised that you are always one step away from being exiled if you do any of the following:
11. Don’t recycle – Unless you consume nothing, you have no excuse. Maybe towns should only pick up recycling from now on…then we’ll see how quickly people find the things they throw away are recyclable. I don’t mean just trash either–sell stuff on Craig’s List and give toys/clothing/books to charity people!
10. Cut me off in traffic/cut me in line – ‘nough said. You will face my wrath.
9. Litter – Seems like something that should not even make the list, but this is for all those people out there who mindlessly throw things out their car windows or on the street. And I especially LOATH those people who throw losing scratch tickets on the ground. No wonder you didn’t win, buddy. YOU ARE A LOSER!!!
8. Gossip – Gossip is for insecure children and tabloids and is the route of all evil.
7. Be a homophobe, racist, or practice general intollerance for other people who are different from you – come on people, it’s 2009, right? Are you kidding me that you still get your knickers in a twist over gay marriage and a black president?
6. Talk just to impress your boss – Ok, so sometimes it is prudent to remind your boss how lucky he/she is to have you on board, but DO NOT do this at the expense of your fellow co-workers.
5. Take credit for others’ work – this is very similar to #6, but with the distinct difference of knowingly stealing credit for someone else’s work. And DO NOT regurgitate information you found on the web as your own unique, brilliant thoughts. If you do this, you are scum.
4. Live beyond your means – This is for all those people with mortgages and credit card debt they can’t afford. If I had my way, you would be required to live in your car for a year.
3. Become so self-absorbed that you can’t practice general politeness – Can’t tell you how many times a door has swung back in my face or I held a door for someone and they just rushed through and didn’t even acknowledge me. Look up and say, “THANK YOU!” god damn it.
2. Become so self-absorbed that you can’t perform general acts of kindness – If you see a starving animal, feed it. If you see trash blowing in the wind, pick it up. If you have blood, donate it.
1. Abuse anyone – I’m sick of hearing about some guy that shot his family and then himself on the news every other day. If you are the abuser, do us all a favor and go back to the hole that you came from.
4 comments
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January 14, 2009 at 8:00 am
Penny Clark Lapenna
Okay I am in total agreement with your list and practice it myself assiduously apart from occasional slips with #8 (okay, is it gossip if it helps someone to pass it on?) and I especially want to point up #4 – I am so sick of people moaning about debt they got themselves into for trivial materialistic goods – I’ll go overdrawn if its the only way to feed my kids that week, but otherwise, don’t you have to get off your a*** and work for a living?
And making people live in their car for a year is a top idea (if only I didn’t already know someone doing that).
So yeah people do suck. But I gave a spare pair of gloves away to a neighbour with cold hands today, I have shut all the doors in my house every morning this winter so I only heat one room where I work, and I tip my kids paddling pool water on my crazy neighbours plants every summer. I joined One Million Acts of Green and I bore my kids rigid with information about how we are going to make the planet a better, prettier place to be.
So count me off your hitlist, please?
January 15, 2009 at 8:28 am
Leigh Ann
#4 & 3 are why we left the Northeast. And maybe #6 because of the whole rat race mentality.
It is a much nicer place in the middle though I have seen a whole lotta #7. I think that I am practicing good acts by being the first person they’ve met who believes in gay marriage.
February 17, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Serena
Nice one Karen – you know I relate to this one. BTW, did I ever make it into this “elite circle”?
April 2, 2009 at 9:23 pm
Amy O'Donnell
I agree with every point here but the one that really gets me lately is # 4. Why should we bail out people who bought things they could never hope to pay for? If you make $1000 per month and your mortgage is $900 a month shouldn’t you be held accountable to do that math-I know the banks were telling people it was okay but if it sounds too good to be true…. Do people really feel happier when they are wearing $200 jeans? I would feel sad because I was stupid enough to get ripped off like that!