How can you suck so bad, mommy?

In the beginning, I had this parent thing covered. No problem.

Food: check

Clothing: check

Shelter: check

Emotional well-being: che…mamma say wha? (Ok, no more Hannah Montana for me)

This is where I apparently totally suck. My daughter is hands down the most emotional human being I’ve ever met.  I know, she’s a girl and she’s nine, but she will cry if her cereal gets too soggy.

Seriously. What’s going to happen when this girl goes through puberty?

It’s not going to be pretty.

I know I should be grateful that this means I will never need to beat her since she crumbles when we show even the slightest disappointment in her, but what’s going to happen to her when she doesn’ t make the team or she gets a C on a paper?

I’m in for a world of trouble, that’s what.

Problem is, I have no basis to work from here since my mom was not very good at this either. So what the hell am I supposed to do now? I’ve had no training! I need training. But where?

I know what you’re thinking and I’m with you–

I Googled it.

And I found…nothing. NOTHING. Unless my daughter is depressed from a divorce or death in the family, Google’s got nothin’.

Great. Thanks Internet. You suck too. I’m blaming you if I screw this up.