Make mommy proud!

Now, go get us some candy!

Every year, I look forward to picking out a Halloween outfit for my girl. She was a pumpkin the first couple years; then Peter Pan (I was so proud she didn’t want to be Tinker Bell); then Snow White; then Cinderella; then a couple witches.

And this year?

A whore.

I know what you’re thinking–”Hey, that’s what my daughter’s going as!” But, don’t worry there are plenty of whore outfits to go around these days. Just check out the latest selection at your neighborhood Halloween Outlet.

Truth be told, we did cruise the boys’ section before making our final selection–scoffed at the police uniform, the fireman, the astronaut, and the scientist. Boy jobs are SO boring and ugly. My girl would not to be caught dead in any of those rags.

The girl’s section on the other hand had sparkle, lace and feathers–so many whores to choose from! How did could we be anything but a whore?

The choice to be a whore this year was pretty obvious, actually. A natural progression, if you will. Disney has been slowly prepping her for years now…damsels in distress waiting for a handsome man to save them. No good mommy figure to keep them on the straight and narrow.  And they sure as heck don’t know how to make a living on their own. All they have are their good looks.

So let’s show it off!

Costumes are easy to find, but the actual costume names are not labeled “whore” per se. They have cute names like “Graveyard Fairy“, “Devil Girl“, and “The Cat’s Meow“, but they basically are all different colored sluts–some with wings. Some with horns. Some with cleavage. All with short skirts.

Mommy’s little slut. I’m so proud, I could almost cry!

You may be a little worried at the message this type of costume may send to your precious, tween girls. But don’t worry. It’s awesome, really.  I mean, at this rate, she’ll be going door to door naked next year and you won’t have to buy a costume at all. Think of all the money you will save and how much “candy” your little whore will bring home for her family.

Seriously, dress her up and send out the door with a enthusiastic, “You go girl!”

Now if we can just get our neighbors to give out cash, drugs and alcohol instead of candy, Halloween would be the best holiday ever!