cliff2I’ve learned a few things about running a business over the years and since I’m such an expert, I thought I’d share them with you.  If you think I’ve missed any, please do let me know.

1. Jump in, eyes closed–because knowledge is overrated.

2. Don’t listen–listening is for academics. Just talk over everyone else and move on.

3. Talk a lot, even if you have no point–people respect people who can talk. Even if what you have to say has nothing to do with the business at hand, your comments will provide a good distraction for the team. Plus, if you talk long enough, everyone will forget what the original topic was which was probably unpleasant anyway.

4. Don’t listen to your customers–what do they know? Just a bunch of cranky whiners. If they don’t buy from you, it’s their loss.

5. Copy the competition–everything has been done before anyway, so just do whatever the competition is doing and you’ve got a multi-million dollar business in the making right there.

6. Do not plan anything in advance–planning is for sissies. What you need to do is wing it and figure it out as you go along. Instincts should not be backed up with cold, hard facts under any circumstances.

7. Do not measure results–actual results do not need to be measured. Optics keep everyone happy.

8. Do not adapt–whatever you do, do not change your tactics mid-stream, even if they are not working. Those stupid customers will catch on at some point, don’t worry.

9. Depend on other people’s money and keep asking for more–there is an endless supply of money out there. Keep spending it and more will come.

10. Hire people to help you and then do everything yourself anyway–You have the best ideas anyway, so if you disagree with the experts you’ve hired, just ignore them.