So, when I was really young, I wanted to be a vet because I loved animals. We lived in the country, but my parents weren’t big on animals, so let’s just say that they weren’t all that supportive of my plans to be a vet.

My dad said one day, “So much schooling, why not be a people doctor?” I looked at him and at the ripe old age of nine, I said, “But I don’t like people.”

Not much has changed since then. If you are a member of my elite circle, count yourself lucky. But be advised that you are always one step away from being exiled if you do any of the following:

11. Don’t recycle – Unless you consume nothing, you have no excuse. Maybe towns should only pick up recycling from now on…then we’ll see how quickly people find the things they throw away are recyclable. I don’t  mean just trash either–sell stuff on Craig’s List and give toys/clothing/books to charity people!

10. Cut me off in traffic/cut me in line – ‘nough said. You will face my wrath.

9. Litter – Seems like something that should not even make the list, but this is for all those people out there who mindlessly throw things out their car windows or on the street. And I especially LOATH those people who throw losing scratch tickets on the ground. No wonder you didn’t win, buddy. YOU ARE A LOSER!!!

8.  Gossip – Gossip is for insecure children and tabloids and is the route of all evil.

7. Be a homophobe, racist, or practice general intollerance for other people who are different from you – come on people, it’s 2009, right? Are you kidding me that you still get your knickers in a twist over gay marriage and a black president?

6. Talk just to impress your boss – Ok, so sometimes it is prudent to remind your boss how lucky he/she is to have you on board, but DO NOT do this at the expense of your fellow co-workers. 

5. Take credit for others’ work – this is very similar to #6, but with the distinct difference of knowingly stealing credit for someone else’s work. And DO NOT regurgitate information you found on the web as your own unique, brilliant thoughts. If you do this, you are scum.

4. Live beyond your means – This is for all those people with mortgages and credit card debt they can’t afford. If I had my way, you would be required to live in your car for a year.

3. Become so self-absorbed that you can’t practice general politeness – Can’t tell you how many times a door has swung back in my face or I held a door for someone and they just rushed through and didn’t even acknowledge me. Look up and say, “THANK YOU!” god damn it.

2. Become so self-absorbed that you can’t perform general acts of kindness – If you see a starving animal, feed it. If you see trash blowing in the wind, pick it up. If you have blood, donate it.

1.  Abuse anyone – I’m sick of hearing about some guy that shot his family and then himself on the news every other day. If you are the abuser, do us all a favor and go back to the hole that you came from.

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